34 weeks 34 weeks 34 weeks

last week was the hardest week so far. i'm tired of everything, i hate the terbutaline i have to take to keep contractions away. i hate not being able to do anything for anyone else. and i felt like 33 weeks was so close, yet so far...every day was just interminable.

but now i'm 34 weeks!  hooray! still have to wait a bit more. in a week or 2 they will let me off bedrest (i think). my oldest was born at 35 weeks, so really, i could be done.  but we are shooting for 37. my goal is to take a baby home from the hospital with me...i have always had to leave before them. 

i'm trying to think of what will be the most valuable way to spend my last few days (weeks?) before having this baby. assuming i get to be off of bedrest for at least a little while before i have the baby, what do you moms of more than 2 kids suggest?


also, i just want to say how many little things there have been to be grateful for throughout this whole time.

• lots of sweet moments with my little boy #2. 
• boy #1 and boy #2 play together for extended periods of time--waaaaaaay better than 2 months ago when fighting commenced about every 5 minutes. 
• i feel grateful to have a healthy pregnancy (although i am SO DONE) with no health problems for me or the baby.
• the whole family is helping me keep the baby in until it's safe for him to come out, picking up everything i can't do. seeing them try to keep up makes me feel maybe i did do something all day long after all?
• i LOVE being a mom. even more than before. with all the things i can't do, i still can and need to be there for them. there's no substitute for mom when it comes to bumped heads, growing pains at 1 am, and snuggle time.
• we've already disrupted our normal routine. i'm optimistic that it is easing #2 through the transition time: he's already used to mommy not being able to get up and help him all the time, and it's not because of a baby taking his place (at least not one that he can see).
• my husband has potty trained our child (!)
• neighbors and friends are feeding my family. 
• i have some really amazing friends who have brought me slushies, given me little ways to still be involved and helpful, and let me talk their ears off for hours at a time. 
• hubby and i have lengthy conversations about anything and everything all the time. i love having all this time together. 
• even though my brain is pretty much mush at this point, i do feel like i can see my priorities and goals more clearly. let's just see if that will last through the newborn no-sleep zombie phase :-) 
• just have to give a shout out for technology and online shopping. i'm pretty well set with everything for baby.  unfortunately i have my credit card # memorized by now...

knitting...

i think i might be addicted. i have made 4 baby hats, 3 pair of baby shorts, one pair of baby long pants, 3 diaper covers, and a baby sweater.  it seems to be the only that keeps me occupied.  the medication i take to stop the contractions makes me shaky and jittery and gives me a headache, so i can't really concentrate on reading. but i can watch documentaries and listen to podcasts and knitting keeps me from feeling so jittery yucky. 

next up: socks (ack! i've been avoiding learning how to knit socks for years) and maybe some cute mommy headbands for after baby comes, when doing my hair goes to the bottom of the to-do list.

i would take pictures, but...the camera is on the other side of the house...maybe i will post a pic later.

midterm report

it's been 4 weeks since going on bedrest. somehow.  i live in a sort of groundhog day type recurrent life where time doesn't really exist, except that everything goes s l o w l y.

so how are we?

baby is doing great, weighs over 4 lbs. considering #1 weighed 5 lbs 2 oz when he was born and 4 lbs 10 oz when we took him home from the hospital, i'd say we are in good shape with this one. but that extra weight makes it more imperative that i stay down to keep me from effacing more. 

#1 is doing great at school. loves his teacher. has his best friend in his class. eats vegetables and even fish at dinner.  not without some coaxing, but still.

#2 is learning to self-entertain (a valuable skill every soon-to-be older sibling should have) and watch movies over and over. he loves monsters inc and cars. and he's addicted to lego.com.  they have movies and games on there, and he can actually play them.  AND dad is potty training him--what more could a girl ask for, right?

dad is shouldering the burden without complaint, doing laundry and cooking and potty training and working 2 jobs from home. i think he needs to get out more.

my useful tasks: i make important phone calls and pay bills. i get luke ready for school in the morning. i fold laundry from bed.  i write emails. i'm planning a home preschool co-op with a friend, making the curriculum for the year. i'm knitting woolie baby shorties for when the new little guy arrives. i'm reading a parenting book and a book on iraq and the screwtape letters. i'm making photo books.

non-useful tasks: sometimes i nap. not as much as i would have thought tho. makes it hard to sleep at night. i have been watching netflix instant movies--my new best friend. i'm particularly into indie romances. i can't seem to stomach the hollywood sugary sweet ones anymore.  i go to the doctor and sneak into the grocery store on the way home.  it's funny what you will do when you cheat on your bedrest, like go to the store...cook breakfast...kill venomous insects...

and sometimes i blog. and now, i'm tired of looking at the computer so i'm going to...do something else.

just 4 more weeks to go--they'll just fly by, right?

so so so gross

yesterday i was out on the back patio for 2 seconds when i noticed a big yucky spiderweb. i thought to myself, that looks like the one i found last time we had a black widow spider...maybe i should clear that off.  paul had barbecued one the day before when he turned on the grill...so i thought i should, yanno, get rid of the web.  just in case.

the web was spread out between the grill and a black cloth bbq bag/cover that was left on the ground. i cleared out the web (using a giant metal bbq spatula) and as i shook out the cover, not only did i get a black widow spider, which is gross enough on its own,

i got a bonus prize of about 10 baby scorpions PLUS a mom scorpion with about 4 more baby scorpions on its back. Ours are actually bark scorpions which are a yellow as babies and tan as adults, but other than that this is pretty much what i saw:

Needless to say they are all very dead.  But still.

SO SO SO GROSS.

look at this fun blog

this girl is remaking a hideous thrift store dress into something cute and fun. every day for a year, like julie and julia style.

http://newdressaday.wordpress.com/about/

makes me wish i knew how to sew better!

knitting!

i forgot how much i LOVE to knit. somehow i got distracted for a year or so, but i am back and knitting like crazy. i just needed something to do while lying on the couch watching L play or while lying in bed watching the john adams miniseries.  i know my limits tho--no big projects. just knitting for baby. currently on my project list--wool shorties and longies, legwarmers and maybe a sweater or two.

anybody have a great shortie or BOY sweater pattern they've used? i'm very picky about their sweaters not looking girly.

hooray for knitting! despite 100 degree temps...it might almost feel like fall soon.

i miss baltimore

i finally made a photo book of our baltimore years.  been meaning to do it forever...and really. it took me like 30 hours, so honestly i was probably never going to get around to it. hooray for bedrest. anyway. what a crazy place. isn't it lovely how time smooths things over?  even with all the headaches and heartaches, it was a really pivotal part of our life. we became ourselves there.

we know that city better than people who grew up there. some of my favorite people and places in the whole world are there.  son #1 spent half his life there. son #2 was born there. paul is still technically going to school there (but that's another topic for another day...).

while i was there, i often said, "i can't WAIT to miss baltimore." can i just say, i was right--it is wonderful to miss baltimore.

perspective

i was getting all ready to post about how when you are on bedrest, your hair always looks awful because it's mashing up against a pillow all day, and about how irritating it is to not be able to go to the store to get things that (you think) you or your family need. it's just annoying to feel like you don't have control, you know?

and then i found out that a dear friend has cancer. she just had her 3rd baby 2 weeks ago. how do you even begin to deal with something like that when you have just given birth?
  
this is true helplessness--even if i weren't stuck in bed thousands of miles away--there is not one thing i can do about this.  i'd give up all the cute hair and shopping in the world if it would make her healthy.  i'd dedicate my bedrest to helping her get well. 

as it is, i can only support from afar and send prayers up.  just doesn't feel like enough. 

crafts!

i've been going through all my piles of craft stuff, pitching and sorting.  i've also been researching (read: blog surfing) to find some new ideas of what to do with my stuff.  holy cow--there are some seriously crafty people out there with amazing ideas. and i have no idea how they have TIME to do all the stuff they do. and they all link to each other and have "linky parties" (?)  which i don't quite understand but found very useful nonetheless.

anyway. here is a list of some serious craft idea goldmines. just a few among the thousands that are out there.  

http://shabbynest.blogspot.com/

http://733blog.blogspot.com/

http://totallytutorials.blogspot.com/

http://tatertotsandjello.blogspot.com/

http://thecsiproject.com/

http://piccadillypeddler.blogspot.com/

http://thegirlcreative.blogspot.com/

http://mygrammasaid.blogspot.com/

http://ready-set-create.blogspot.com/

 
what are YOUR go-to sites when you need craft inspiration?
what crafts are you working on?

29 weeks

the days are long...but they do eventually go by! 
 
paul told me this is the most productive i've ever been.  :P here's a list from this week:

actually very little time spent on facebook. it's not as fun when you check it 10 times a day :S
20 letters written
5 yrs worth of files cleaned out and reorganized
cleaned out craft bins--still have to decide how best to organize them
approx. 6000 old emails deleted from old email addresses
1 book: A full life in a small place about gardening in arizona
miscellaneous paper craft projects including these 
movies--a few more than last week:
when in rome
the lives of others (clear play is my friend)
eternal happiness of the spotless mind (again, with clear play. loved both of these, if you can get your hands on a player that will edit out the stuff.)
percy jackson and the lightning thief
the lion the witch and the wardrobe
monsters inc
bbc miniseries little dorrit--15 hours.  i think i watched it in 3 days but i'm not really sure. it kind of all blurs together. i was going to watch bleak house...but i think i am done with movies for a while :-)

and what were my children doing during all of this "productivity"?  playing legos. watching monsters inc or ratatouille.  that's it. i had grand visions of all the fun things we'd go do this last week before school--but all they really want to do is play legos. and i'm okay with that.  

so little baby perrin is a week older, probably weighs about 3 lbs by now, and is super active. i guess bedrest is working.

day #4

it's sinking in.

i've realized that the hardest part for me is not staying down (although that is really a lot harder than you think it would be). the real kicker is that i can't go anywhere. not to pick tomatoes in the garden. not to get school supplies for my little first grader. not to go to the water park or a museum or a movie or camping or any of those fun things i was planning to do with our last few days left of summer vacation.

but there's not much i can do about that, is there? so i've been making lists of things i CAN do, and i'm feeling a little better. 

here's a sampling of what i've been doing in the meantime:

hours spent on facebook and the rest of the internet: i don't even want to know. going to limit that from now on. apparently you can get sick of it.

spontaneous bursting into tears: 3 times so far today. but i don't know that there's much i can do about that.

movies watched:2
blood diamonds (we have clear play and we love it)
treasure planet (perrin movie night with the kids)

lest it seem like i haven't been watching much tv, i should also probably count the tv shows in here...sytycd, america's got talent, and a handful of community reruns have kept us entertained as well.

books read: 2
lord of the flies
parenting with love and logic. unfortunately there's no section on how to parent effectively from your bed in the other room...

ding dongs eaten: 4
hey. you gotta have something to look forward to. i'm actually surprised at how much i really don't feel like eating. maybe it's because i'm out of the kitchen?

lego battles with 3 yr old: approx 25. he makes the guys and brings them to me to play together.

times mr. mom has had to get me water, get the kids what they need, break up lego-induced fights, clean the kitchen, cook dinner and put kids to bed: about a million. and it's only been 4 days. i couldn't do this without him. what a guy.

today i am cleaning out and organizing our files.  it's been good to be busy doing something productive.  maybe i'll even figure out how to access my photos on my mac via this laptop so i can post some pictures to spice the blog up a little.  it's been a rough few days, but we are going to make the best of it. stay tuned for more exciting couchside adventures! 

bedrest

what every mom wants, at least until you get stuck with it.

it was so not in my plans to be put on bedrest this week.

a bit of history:

my first baby was born at 35 weeks, out of the blue, after just a few hours of labor.
my second was born at 36 after 2 months of braxton hicks contractions.
this one is giving me lots of contractions, a positive fetal fibronectin test, and other issues that landed me in bed.

the dr's office is giving no information except-- lie down and take your pills, dear.
not impressed. but there's not much i can do about it.  i can't even get out of bed to go change to another doctor.  anyway. i'm going to be updating my blog a LOT more frequently, and maybe will even write a book too.

if i make i through this, it will be completely due to technology--facebook and blogs and my phone-- and my saint of a husband who will be doing everything while i lie here and watch.

hope to see you all around here a lot in the next couple months!

do you cloth diaper? or know someone who does?

i always have plans to get caught up on the blog, but i think i will just summarize.  anyone who actually reads this knows what i've been up to anyway, right? this summer we have been to the movies, been swimming, been camping, and been to utah. oh and i just got back from girls camp.  still catching up on sleep.  busy busy busy and lots of fun.

 right now i'm in the middle of getting a 1st grader ready for school, potty training the 3 yr old, and surviving the last 3 months of pregnancy.  (maybe 2 months? hoping that this one will be healthy and stay in long enough to get to come home with me, but since my body kicked the other 2 out at 8 months, it's entirely possible this one will come early too).

i'm planning on cloth diapering #3--because, yanno, what else will i have to do all day with 3 kids?  :-)  mostly i am tired of filling the garbage with poo bombs, sinking money into the trash can, and always running to the store for more diapers and wipes.   this could possibly be due to the fact that i have been buying diapers now for over 6 years. mmmm hmmmm.  i'm just done.

i'm interested in all kinds, but am most intrigued by soft wipeable covers that you can use with anything you want inside: cotton, fleece, bamboo or hemp inserts. seems like it offers lots of versatility and is pretty low cost.  check out this one i am thinking of buying. the owner of the site created best bottoms and they look really cool.  those and the flip are my current ideas of what i will try.  not sure what i will do for newborn though.

do you cloth diaper? i'd love to hear what other people are doing.

off i go

i'm going on a trip. by myself. all weekend. in case you want to know, i'm going for this. it is crazy getting ready to go, and it will be crazy the second i get back (i have to speak in church literally as soon as i get back from the airport and then teach a class of 3 yr olds about the importance of the sabbath). but it will be worth it. right?  what will i do on a plane for an hour and a half without anyone climbing on me or whining for treats?  i'll let you know how it goes.

birthday boy

i just love this kid. happy birthday to my favorite little scientist, whistler, reader, lego master builder.  you make our lives so rich.

we're going swimming after school then having a pizza picnic for dinner. not bad for an april birthday.  especially considering it's snowing in utah.  then the real party is on friday. now if you'll excuse me, i have a lot of work to do before 12, yes 12, six year olds show up at our jedi training academy.

bloody noses

3:35 a.m. luke came into my room screaming "bloody! bloody!" it took me a minute to figure out what was going on. he was holding a lego magazine crumpled up to his nose--ah. bloody nose. he gets them a lot here, probably because the air is so dry in arizona.

i could hardly get him to move from the middle of my room into the bathroom so i could clean his face off. the sight of blood absolutely petrified him, and he barely let me trade the magazine for a kleenex. then, the only way i could pry the kleenex off him (15 minutes later) was to tell him it was going to crust onto his face if he didn't take it off.

for someone who knows as much as he does about the human body, you'd think he'd be okay with a little blood. guess he will need to find a bloodless area of medicine if he really wants to be a doctor.

after i peeled the barely spotted kleenex away from his face and showed him that it was all done, he was so giddy with relief. after a few giggles and some zebra hugs, he was fast asleep. me--i went back to bed but couldn't sleep. my brain was too busy planning a star wars birthday party for that soon-to-be 6 yr old boy.

to old friends

i sent paul off to baltimore today for a conference. i'm jealous. go ahead and laugh.  but remember how i always used to say, '"i can't wait to miss baltimore?" baltimore has old friend status now. i can look past the blemishes now (ok giant hairy warts) and extend the kindness of selective memory.

i love baltimore in april and may. i miss wyman park. the aquarium.  the science center.  new system bakery's chocolate glazed donuts and . the walters art museum. red tree. the book thing.  so many great restaurants and festivals and HONFEST! our little hampden library.  and most of all my friends.

usually when you move, it takes a while, but you establish a new life for yourself in the new location. here, we are temporary, but indefinitely.  and we live with my parents.  i have some friends from high school, and paul and i each have a cousin living nearby (who are, strangely enough, related to each other through their spouses!)  and i have friends in the ward i can call to watch my kids if i need to.  but the friends we actually hang out with are ones we knew from other times in our lives, driving an hour or more to get together with people we know and love.

i love my friends. i feel rich as a queen with friends all over the world and so many great memories. what would i do without you all?  good grief i am starting to sound old.  but let me raise my glass anyway. to baltimore. to friendship over the years. to you.

2 boys

it seems like we have more than our share of fights lately, mostly over lego guys, but every once in a while they'll pull something like this:

luke: "good job building those legos, liam!"

liam: "thanks, lukie!"
luke: "you're welcome!"

and that gives me hope that maybe, someday, they might turn out to be constructive members of society after all.  

today's plans

so far today, i have dressed myself and one child, fed self and 2 kids breakfast, made one lunch (ok 1/2 credit on the lunch, i used a lunchable for part of it), taken said child to kindergarten. it's pretty much what i do every day.

i made a new blog tho, that's different.

and in a bit i'm going to lunch with my mom at crackers and co. mmmmm. don't you want to come too?

then i have to figure out why a medical lab company refuses to bill my insurance for lab work from last SEPTEMBER. that will be fun.

also i have lots of laundry to put away and a yard sale to get ready for (it's in 2 days). then i have to pick up the little man from kindergarten and make dinner.

do you think i can get it all done? probably not. but i'm hoping that the act of posting will help me get *some* of it done.

do i look crazy to you? wait, don't answer that...

The title for this blog comes from 2 quotes.

The first is from my son Luke. When he was 2, one of his favorite sayings was "Craziness ensues!" That about sums up my life, personality, parenting style, etc. :-) If I had a dollar for every time I said, "my life is crazy right now"...well...let's just say I wish someone had started paying me to say that.

The second is one of my husband's favorite quotes. It's from Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl:
"Don't aim at success - the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue... as the unintended side-effect of one's personal dedication to a course greater than oneself."

I'm almost 32. My life doesn't look at all like I thought it would (whose does?), but I do have certain things I want from life, things I work toward. I accept the fact that my life is just going to be crazy and unpredictable, but that there is a ton of happiness and success in there as well. In fact, I think I might love it for the craziness too.